Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
