it hurts more in the daytime
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize