I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
