I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
