dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i drank out of a bidet.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you never un-have a 4some
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
