My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
