woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
