oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
