Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
