wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
