Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
