So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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