3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You can't just leave with hair like that
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
