so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
