At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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