She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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