So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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