highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You've changed since you got that strap on
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
