You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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