Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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