Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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