So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
