I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
