I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
