the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
