my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There r osticjed everywhere
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
how drunk are you?
Several
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
