She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize