I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
