She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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