false alarm. still invincible.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
