Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
