So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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