Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
