Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize