This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
