Only a mothe r could love this liver
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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