4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
