Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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