Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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