I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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