i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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