my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
