from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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