oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
