I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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