I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
