Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
