I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I deserve this hangover.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
