My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
