so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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