I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize