We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
