i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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