i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
