when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
