sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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