i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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