I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I need a burrito and a hug.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
