the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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