he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my god I love twenty year old dicks
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
