Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
false alarm. still invincible.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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