Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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