I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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