He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
