if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found puke in my bra..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
