I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
