He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
