I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
