He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
