Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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