I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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