I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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