Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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