When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
