Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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