i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
